Should I Worry About My Son's Dilemma?
L: I should have known, it’s 2:37 AM. Hello Gus, yes, I’m excited too.
First question: Should I worry about my son’s dilemma?
G: To the first part, should I worry? The answer is no, never.
L: But why? It feels like I’m helping; it proves that I care.
G: No, it doesn’t.
Your son has a dilemma because things didn’t turn out like he expected them to. What is the problem then? Nothing ever turns out the way you expect it to. Nothing ever takes the amount of time you anticipated. Are the results and the timing the problem?
L: No.
G: It’s that humans are delusional in thinking they can estimate how long something will take or how it will turn out.
L: Isn’t ‘delusional’ a little harsh?
G: What’s a better way to put it? Irrational mixed with a little bit of insanity? He’s barking up the wrong tree. Your son was having a wonderful time working on this project with his team at school, right? He’s been excited about it for weeks, hasn’t he?
L: Yes. It’s been wonderful seeing him in the flow.
G: Was he full of curiosity and challenged with problem-solving throughout the project?
L: Yes!
G: And as it wrapped up, what did he expect?
L: At the end, he probably expected the project to be more well-received.
“The only time you’re disappointed is when you stop enjoying what you’re doing now and start measuring against what you imagined would be. ”
G: Was he doing all that work for the big reward he imagined? Or was he doing it because it was freaking awesome to be in that flow, present with the process unfolding, at the cutting edge?
L: Why are we always disappointed?
G: Oh, now we’re ALWAYS disappointed?
L: Things never turn out like we expect them to.
G: Humans are notoriously bad at predicting the future, but the funny part, at least from over here, is that you never get tired of doing it!
L: Is part of it that we imagine a reward for our hard work? Or an end to our struggle?
G: Yes, you do play a bait-and-switch game with yourselves. You think you need to motivate yourselves with the reward of a good outcome, or the threat of a bad one. Some religious doctrine is an example of this. But if humans are bad at predicting the future outcomes in this life, imagine how wrong they are with predictions about the next life?
L: Why are we so ridiculous?
G: You are so innocent. No one told you that the future never comes! The only time you’re disappointed is when you stop enjoying what you’re doing now and start measuring against what you imagined would be.
L: That hits home. The scope is magnifying to everything; vacations, promotions, relationships, every event or occasion ever…I enjoy most aspects of it until I start measuring my experience with what I thought it would (or should) be.
G: So how do you see your son’s dilemma now?
L: It’s a simple misunderstanding. He got caught up in measuring instead of experiencing without judgement. Oh man, is this another version of the ‘reward is in the journey’ thing?
G: Now you have the capacity to see it more expansively and not just throw a label on it and dismiss it as something you already know. Because clearly you don’t know it well enough to see it’s no longer worth doing.
L: Tell me more about that. You just said that there’s no benefit to worrying and that expectations take me out of enjoying the experience.
G: Correct.
L: Please tell me more about that last part, about how I label something and file it. Am I missing something by assuming I already know it?
G: This beautiful session is ending as your body needs to get back to sleep. Can you feel yourself fighting what is?
L: Yes, it’s a familiar feeling to resist sleep, to just keep thinking in circles.
G: Go now. Sleep is tugging at you. Listen to that. I will be here in the morning. I’m always here.
L: amenamenamenamen